Exploring the Link Between Infertility and Depression

If you’re living with infertility, you know that this journey can feel exhausting, lonely, and unfair. You might be stepping away from social events because people in your life have been insensitive to the unique challenges you’re facing.

Perhaps you and your partner are living on a tight budget as you pay for fertility treatments. Now, you’re having trouble making decisions together about your next steps. You may spend endless hours worrying about your future and wondering what’s on the horizon. Your lack of clarity makes it hard to envision things getting better.

Many people suffer from depression linked to infertility. Here are a few reasons why infertility commonly leads to depression.

Uncertainty

Infertility leaves you in a state of uncertainty. When you pictured your future, you might have imagined that you would have children by a certain time. Chances are, you didn’t expect to face infertility.

Making plans can be tricky. You’re constantly questioning whether or not you should approach choices about your future with children in mind. Additionally, you might get your hopes up about a possible pregnancy on a monthly basis, only to feel disappointed as the weeks roll on. You don’t want to expect the worst. But sometimes, it seems like hoping for the best only leads to more heartbreak.

Social Isolation

Infertility can be an isolating experience. If lots of your friends have children, you might feel uncomfortable or upset at social gatherings. Even if you love your friends’ families, it isn’t always easy to spend time with them when you’re dealing with infertility. Other people who are struggling with infertility might not be open about it, and as a result, you can feel like you’re the only one in this position.

Furthermore, you may be exasperated from fielding so many questions from people who want to know why you don’t have children. People living with infertility often deal with invasive inquiries, and the thought of answering such questions can discourage you from socializing.

Low Self-Worth

Our society promotes the idea that womanhood and motherhood are one and the same. Women who suffer from infertility might feel like they’ve somehow lost their value if they’re not able to step into the motherhood role. When the culture reinforces this idea at every turn, it’s hard to remind yourself of your inherent self-worth as a human being above all.

Struggles with self-worth can pop up for anyone struggling with infertility who is blaming themselves and feeling like they're not able to fulfill this role in life.

Deep Grief

Infertility is entwined with grief. You may be grieving miscarriages, pregnancy losses, or even friendships that ended because they could not support you in your time of need. Additionally, infertility can cause you to grieve the future you thought you would have. You might have to let go of old dreams and plans. Part of you may be grieving your past self and wishing you could return to your carefree perspective. It can be hard to express this grief when our culture’s definition of acceptable grief is so narrow.

Relationship Troubles

You may feel like infertility has driven a wedge between you and your partner. Maybe you’ve disagreed on which fertility treatments you should pursue, or whether you should pursue fertility treatments at all.

If you’re dealing with unexplained infertility, you both might feel frustrated by your test results. You may be taking this frustration out on each other. Fertility treatments, adoption, and alternative paths to parenthood can be complicated, and if you’re navigating these processes, you may be arguing more often than usual. Relationship troubles connected to infertility can worsen depression symptoms.

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Infertility and depression are often connected. If you’re seeking mental health support while struggling with infertility, I invite you to book a free consultation or schedule your first infertility therapy appointment with my practice.