How to Identify Codependent Tendencies Before They Take Hold in Your Relationships
Maybe you’ve recently started dating someone new, and you’re excited about the relationship. Yet you’ve experienced codependency in past relationships, and you don’t want to fall into the same patterns this time around. Now, you’re wondering how you could spot these issues early, before they come to define your relationship.
Alternatively, you may have been dating the same person for a long time, but you’ve become concerned about your dynamic, and you’re wondering if your closeness is actually codependency in disguise. Should you start making changes, or are you overreacting to normal relationship patterns?
Codependency can crop up in all kinds of relationships between romantic partners, friends, and family members. Understanding these telltale signs of codependency can help you tackle these problems right away.
Difficulty Saying “No”
Do you tend to have trouble telling your partner “No?” Maybe you feel guilty whenever you turn down one of their requests or disagree with them. Even when saying “No” would be a means to protect your own wellbeing, you find yourself struggling to speak the word.
You might avoid saying “No” out of the fear that you’ll offend your partner, or because you feel as though it’s your job to manage their emotions. A reluctance to say “No” is a clear sign of codependency in a relationship.
Constant Need for Approval
Maybe you feel a bit uncomfortable when you do something for yourself. It could be as simple as taking a class for a new hobby, going out with a friend when your partner is out of town, or even picking up a piece of decor for your home. Sometimes, you may even feel a little embarrassed to share your interests with your partner. You always feel as though you need your partner’s approval, whether it’s for an activity or your personal tastes. This is a red flag for codependency.
Taking on All of Your Partner’s Needs
After getting into your current relationship, you might have started feeling like your plate is always full. You may have taken responsibility for managing their schedule, handling chores around the house, reminding them about their commitments, and keeping them entertained.
Taking on all of your partner’s needs as your own responsibilities indicates codependence. When you’re unable to take care of a specific need for your partner, you may worry that you’ve personally failed, even though it’s not your responsibility.
Intense Fear of Abandonment
Even if your partner has never indicated that they’re unhappy with you, it’s hard to shake the fear that they’ll leave one day. You worry about what your life would look like without them. It doesn’t matter how many times they reassure you that they love you, their words simply don’t break through.
On the other hand, your partner might be frequently asking for reassurance about your feelings. You don’t want to express when you’re frustrated with them, because they jump right to the assumption that you’ll leave. This dynamic is common in codependent relationships.
Low Self-Esteem
Overall, low self-esteem leaves people vulnerable to falling into codependent relationship patterns. If you struggle with a lack of self-worth, you’re more likely to accept substandard treatment. You assume that you have to let go of your boundaries to find love. Additionally, you’ll likely grapple with more intense worries about the possible end of your relationship, because your lack of self-confidence leads you to believe that you would have trouble building a happy life without your partner, or connecting with someone more compatible.
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Have you noticed codependent tendencies in your relationship? By working with a self-esteem therapist, you can address these problems to create a brighter future with your partner. Contact my office today!
