What is Grief Shame?
Everyone experiences grief in different ways. We all end up going through various stages at different times. But there’s no ideal pace or perfect strategy for working through your grief. There are, however, certain roadblocks that can keep you from moving forward. Sometimes, others get in your way by shaming you for the way you grieve. Sometimes, however, it can feel like you are your own worst enemy, and you do that by shaming yourself.
So, what is grief shame, and how can it impact you?
The Feeling of Doing Something Wrong
Most people associate grief with the death of a loved one. But it can occur when you experience any kind of loss. That includes losing your job, a pet, or even experiencing a major life change. Shame sometimes steps in to attack your vulnerable state of mind while you’re grieving.
When we lose something important, it’s easy to let our minds wander. You might start to feel ashamed of how you’re grieving, why you’re grieving, or even the thing that’s causing you to grieve. You might wonder what you could’ve done differently and whether it might have changed things. Or, you might feel guilt over grieving for so long when everyone else seems to have moved on.
As the old saying goes, you are your own worst enemy. Grief, on its own, is hard enough to deal with. Fighting back against shame and guilt on top of that can lead to even more mental health struggles, including anxiety or depression.
The Dangers of Grief Shaming
Maybe you’re not criticizing yourself for the way you’re grieving, but others are. Grief shaming is very real and can be very damaging. If others in your life are causing you to feel guilty by criticizing your grief process, don’t listen. There’s a difference between loved ones trying to help you through your grief and those trying to shame you for it.
People who do try to shame you for your process might be struggling with their own personal guilt issues. Or, they might not realize just how deeply your loss impacted you. Unfortunately, those words and actions can come across as very insensitive and hurtful. That kind of shame can cause you to question yourself and make you feel even worse about the way you’re grieving.
The best thing you can do in those situations is to separate yourself from those people for a while. It will be much harder to keep working through your grief if you’re constantly feeling shamed by others.
Grief Is Not an Obstacle
There’s no single cause when it comes to grief shame. Whether you’re berating yourself with guilt or listening to attacks from others, it’s important to keep one thing in mind—grief isn’t an obstacle to overcome. When you change your perspective on grief, it won’t feel as overwhelming. Yes, it’s important to work through grief.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to process your grief the way other people might see fit. When you stop viewing the grieving process as a challenge and start expressing and experiencing your emotions in healthy ways, you’ll move forward more naturally. More importantly, you’re less likely to struggle with shame as you do.
Going through grief can often feel isolating and overwhelming, especially if you’ve been struggling with shame for a while. Don’t feel like you have to do it alone.
Feel free to contact me for more information or to set up an appointment. Together, we’ll work on letting go of guilt while helping you learn to cope with your loss effectively. Schedule your free 30-minute consultation today!
