Codependency vs Dependency What is the Difference?
As humans, it’s perfectly normal to depend on other people. We’re social creatures, and most of us realize we can’t go through life doing everything ourselves. But some people end up taking that idea too far for a variety of reasons. That can lead to issues like codependency, especially in relationships.
Dependency and codependency are two very different things. Understanding how they differ can bring important red flags to your attention. More importantly, that understanding can make it easier for you to determine if you struggle with codependency. The sooner you recognize some of the signs, the sooner you can start to break the cycle and get the help you deserve.
So, what’s the difference between dependency and codependency?
Healthy Dependency
A healthy state of dependency is also known as interdependency. It’s the idea that most people understand the need for community and help. We can’t do everything on our own. In a relationship, interdependency means there’s an equal amount of give and take. You and your partner are perfectly fine being independent, but you want to help each other and have no problem doing it. The key word there is want.
These types of healthy relationships aren’t based on need. One partner doesn’t feel the constant desire to give up their own needs to take care of their partner. Interdependent relationships rely on equal support, encouragement, and practical forms of help. They often lead to increased communication, improved self-esteem, and emotional security.
The Problem With Codependency
Codependent relationships look different and are often considered unhealthy. At its core, codependency is over-reliance on your partner. You might depend on them for almost everything. This kind of enmeshment can actually cause you to lose your sense of identity in your partner. When that happens, your focus shifts entirely to your partner, and you might no longer have goals, aspirations, or even feel like you have a purpose other than serving your partner.
Some people describe codependency as a need to be needed. Not only will it create an imbalance in your relationship, but it’s likely an indicator of a larger mental health issue. Consider that a red flag if you rely on your partner’s acceptance and approval to feel loved or validated. No one’s self-worth should depend on another person.
What Causes Codependency?
Many factors can contribute to a codependent relationship. However, for most, it’s the result of childhood attachment issues. Trauma, neglect, or abuse can make a child feel unloved and unworthy. You might have felt from an early age as though love was something that needed to be earned.
Even if you’re in a relationship where you feel like you’re doing everything “right” with your partner, codependent people still often feel like they’re trapped. You might feel unloved and unfulfilled no matter what you do. Unfortunately, that often leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics and an unhealthy dependency on others for your validation.
How Can You Get Help?
The first step in breaking free from codependency is to recognize what it really is. If some of the signs here sound familiar, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. A therapist can help you go back to uncover the root cause of your codependent tendencies. Diving back into those memories isn’t always easy if they stem from childhood or past relationships. But, getting to the underlying cause(s) is the best way to start moving forward.
Everyone deserves a healthy relationship. That starts with understanding and accepting who you are and being happy with autonomous living instead of devoting your entire being to a partner.
If you feel like you’ve been struggling with codependency in your relationships, it’s never too late to get the help you deserve. If you are looking for support please reach out today! Schedule your free 30-minute consultation today!
