Pregnancy and Infant Loss: My Relationship Is Struggling
Going through pregnancy or experiencing the loss of a child are two very different things, but they’re also two of the most emotionally-trying things you can go through in your relationship.
Whether you’re expecting and your relationship is struggling, or it seems that you and your partner are completely disconnected after the loss of your infant, it’s important to know that your relationship isn’t doomed.
Communication and connection are crucial for a successful relationship. Restoring and improving those things can help you both to support each other during stressful and difficult times. It’s crucial to know that you’re not alone right now, but when it feels like your partner is the only one who could possibly understand and they aren’t communicating, it’s easy to want to “give up.” Instead, let’s dive into a few things that can help to improve your connection during pregnancy and infant loss.
1. Make Time for Each Other
Life is busy. Things are hectic. When you’re expecting a child, it’s easy for all of your focus to be on preparing for how your life is going to change.
Make sure you don’t shut your partner out in the process. Continue to “date” each other, even if that means scheduling a specific time to spend focused on your relationship each week. By making your relationship a priority, you’ll build connection and communication throughout your pregnancy, and develop the skills needed to stay connected if tragedy were ever to strike.
2. Ditch the Distractions
Whether you’re celebrating a pregnancy or mourning a loss, it’s not uncommon to want to immerse yourself in some type of distraction. You might bury your head in your digital devices, throw yourself into work, or simply try to avoid talking about the most important subject on your mind.
By eliminating distractions and having face-to-face conversations with your partner, you’ll both be able to express your feelings and your needs. This kind of communication lets you both know you’re being heard and valued.
3. Ask Your Partner How They’re Feeling
If you’ve noticed a lack of connection in your relationship, have you asked about it? Have you talked to your partner about how they’re feeling or what they might be struggling with? Some people get extremely nervous about the idea of becoming a parent, no matter how excited they are. And, those who lose a child might not know how to fully process things, so they close themselves off.
Don’t assume or expect your partner to freely be open with their emotions. It might take some gentle questioning, as well as some reassurance on your part.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to be Spontaneous
If you’re expecting a baby or you’re dealing with infant loss, it can be hard to divert from your normal routine. For the most part, that’s okay. Routines are comfortable and provide a sense of security.
But, a little spontaneity in your relationship can help to rekindle a “spark” and remind both of you of your connection. You don’t need to do anything crazy or too far out of the ordinary. Make a surprise dinner for your partner, or plan a night out doing their favorite activity. Getting back to your roots as a couple can help you both feel more like yourself again.
5. Get the Support You Need
Experiencing a lack of connection in your relationship, especially during a trying time, can feel incredibly isolating. It’s important to know that you’re not alone.
Don’t be afraid to lean on family members or friends for support. If you’re really struggling, consider individual counseling. While couples counseling can help you to reconnect with your partner, they might not always be willing. Either way, individual counseling can help you to manage your stress, get to the root cause of your relationship issues, and offer practical solutions on what you can do to improve your communication.
Counseling for Pregnancy & Infant Loss
If your relationship is struggling due to pregnancy and infant loss it may be time to consider Pregnancy & Infant Loss Therapy. If you have questions or want to know how I can help, I offer a 15-minute consultation. Please reach out today!
