Communication Styles: 4 Types of Communication

Almost everyone can agree that communication is a key component to any successful relationship. Sometimes, however, it’s easier than others to communicate effectively. That’s because we all have different communication styles.

The four main styles of communication in relationships are: aggressive, assertive, passive-aggressive, and passive. Though it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be able to change your partner’s communication style, you can certainly be with someone who has a different style than you while having a strong, communicative relationship. 

But, what about when times get stressful? Those styles can shift slightly, and become more noticeable – especially if you have different ones. Let’s talk about how those communication styles can change during stressful times, and what you can do to maintain a strong connection in your relationship when they do.

1. Aggressive Communication

When an aggressive communicator is under stress, they’ll typically have no problem making their opinions known. Unfortunately, they often do it in a very blunt and sometimes hurtful way. 

If your partner is an aggressive communicator, they might handle a difficult situation by using an antagonistic tone or interrupting you when you’re trying to speak. They might even challenge your own opinion without thinking it through. 

Giving an aggressive communicator a healthy way to vent their anger is important. But, when you’re in a relationship, it’s just as important to set boundaries. Talk to your partner about those boundaries when you’re both feeling less stress, and enforce them when stressful situations occur.

2. Assertive Communication

The assertive communication style is often considered ideal. It’s a combination of several things rolled into a nearly-perfect way of expressing yourself. Assertive communicators will make their opinions known in a respectful, confident way. They will also clearly ask for what they need. One of the best parts about being an assertive communicator is that it makes it easier to avoid stressful situations. You might see a problem arising and you’re quick to douse those flames before they get worse. 

Assertive communicators listen to others, share ideas, and validate the viewpoints of other people’s opinions. If one person in your relationship is an assertive communicator, you’re more likely to come to peaceful resolutions during stressful times.

3. Passive-aggressive Communication

Passive-aggressive communicators are often anything but straightforward. During stressful situations, they’ll find indirect ways to express how they’re feeling. In a relationship, that can cause a lot of confusion and frustration. Not only will a passive-aggressive communicator avoid addressing specific issues, but they’ll also often pretend everything is “fine” when it’s clearly not. 

If you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive partner, the best thing you can do is to stay calm. Try to redirect the conversation to the topic at hand, and be assertive and respectful. 

If you’re the one who tends to be more passive-aggressive, do your best to be assertive. Open up, and recognize that your partner will never be able to read your mind. Stressful situations will get resolved much quicker if you’re willing to be open and honest about your feelings.

4. Passive Communication

Passive communicators are often silent, especially during stressful times. They have trouble expressing their needs and opinions and tend to want to avoid conflict. That doesn’t mean they don’t feel strongly about something. It just means they’re keeping those feelings to themselves. 

While that certainly is a way to avoid conflict, it isn’t sustainable. Emotions demand to be felt, and passive communicators who don’t express themselves can deal with anxiety and depression as a result of keeping everything inside. 

The best way to communicate with someone who is passive is to do it in a one-on-one, private setting while making sure they feel safe and heard. 

Communication styles may be heightened during stressful times, but there are ways to manage each of them. The more you understand about your own style, as well as your partner’s, the easier it will be to work through difficult situations together while communicating effectively and efficiently. 

Counseling for Improved Communication

If problematic communication styles are impacting your relationship with your partner, family, or friends, it may be time to consider individual counseling. Together we can explore what is and is not working and develop concrete tools to help you improve your communication. If you have questions or want to know how I can help, I offer a 15-minute consultation. Please reach out today!