What Do I Want In a Relationship?
Have you ever created a “list” of what you want in your relationships? Maybe you have certain expectations or standards. Maybe you’ve created more of a wish list of a person with specific physical and personality traits.
Unfortunately, spending time thinking about the kind of person you want in a relationship doesn’t always work as well as you might think. It keeps your thoughts on the surface rather than causing you to look within. If you don’t understand yourself better and what you truly want, you run the risk of having surface relationships that never truly make you feel fulfilled.
With that in mind, let’s dig deeper into how you can look within to discover what you want in relationships.
Make a Different Kind of List
Instead of focusing on everything you think you want from someone else, look inside yourself to determine what’s most important to you. Consider making a list of your values and beliefs. If you’re not sure what your core values are, take a look at past relationships. What worked and what didn’t? Where were you willing to compromise, and where did you stand firm? When you better understand the things that matter most to you, it will be easier to prioritize them in your relationships as you move forward without having to change who you are.
Figure Out What You Want
While you might not have a hard time thinking about the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with, it’s not always as easy to determine what you want from that person. It can be fun to date someone, but if you aren’t sure where things are going, that uncertainty can tear your relationship apart. Before you start dating again, consider what you want from a serious relationship. Are you interested in getting married? Do you want children? Do you just want to live with someone? You don’t need to discuss these with a partner right away. But it helps to have an idea of what you’re looking for so you don’t waste your time or end up getting your heart broken by someone who doesn’t want the same things.
Prioritize Yourself
When you’re in a relationship, do you frequently put your partner first? There’s nothing wrong with taking care of someone you care about and wanting to meet their needs. But, if you tend to lose your own identity within that relationship, it can become very unhealthy. Make sure you’re valuing yourself—in and out of a relationship. Be self-compassionate and kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to express your needs. Prioritize self-care. By taking the time to focus on your well-being, you’ll be more self-confident and self-aware as you step into a new relationship. You’ll also be able to care for your partner without losing your sense of self in the process.
Spend Some Time Alone
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when discovering what you want in relationships is actively seeking someone. Don’t feel like you have to be in a relationship to have value. Spend some time alone, especially after a breakup. Doing so will allow you to discover who you are and what you want as you prepare yourself for the future. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. Spend time with friends and family members, participate in hobbies you enjoy (or try something new), and don’t be afraid to enjoy the silence sometimes.
As you look within to discover what you want, you’re more likely to look past someone’s looks and personality and dig deeper into whether they can line up with your values and needs. If you need support taking the next steps in discovering what you want in your next relationship please reach out. Schedule your free 30-minute consultation today!
