Overcoming the Weight of Failure: Strategies for Coping with Feelings of Underachievement
Perhaps you’re frustrated with your life’s direction. Maybe you haven’t reached the same milestones as your friends, or you’ve fallen short on several important goals that you had hoped to achieve by now. You might be disappointed in your career or academic progression, struggling to save money, or mourning the loss of relationships that you wish you had tried harder to preserve.
It may seem like everyone else in your life has succeeded in reaching their own goals. No one really understands what you’re going through. You might even be avoiding opening up to others because you’re embarrassed about your failures. But failure can be a learning opportunity. Plus, you may be surprised by how much you’ve already accomplished. Here’s how to cope with uncomfortable feelings around failure and underachievement.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
First, it’s important to let yourself grieve opportunities you’ve missed or mistakes that you’ve made. If you try to run from disappointments or suppress your frustration, these emotions can resurface later in life, fueling guilt, low self-esteem, shame, and self-blame. Instead, acknowledge how you’re really feeling. Consider opening up to a loved one.
What if you’re not ready to talk about what you’re going through? You may want to write in a journal to get your thoughts down on paper.
Acknowledge How Far You’ve Come
It can seem like your failures overshadow all the progress you have made. For instance, if you missed out on your dream job, you might dismiss all of the other positive steps you’ve taken in your career. If you’re facing financial troubles, and you’ve had to move in with family as a result, you may be minimizing the importance of your new personal budget and small but consistent savings contributions. Maybe you’re facing one of the toughest periods of your life. But you can still celebrate the fact that you’ve survived so much. You’re willing to get back up again after you’ve been knocked down.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s all too easy to look at other people in your life, or people whom you come across online, and compare their successes to your failures. Keep in mind that you never know what’s going on behind the scenes in someone else’s life. They may be thriving in other areas while dealing with their own challenges in others. Furthermore, they may have had advantages that you never had access to. When you focus on your own journey, your failures don’t seem so glaring.
Set Small Goals
Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and working towards new goals can help you move forward after failure. For example, you might want to commit to visiting your professor for office hours if you’ve been having trouble in a particular class, or finding a study buddy who you can meet with for regular sessions. If you want to land a new job, set a goal to send out a certain number of applications per day, or sign up for a professional development course.
Reach Out for Help and Support
Talking to people about your failures isn’t easy. You may be worried that they’ll judge you negatively, or they’ll gossip about you. But in reality, sharing your own failures with other people usually prompts them to start talking about their own mistakes. When you’re honest about your failures, you might be surprised by just how many people have walked in your shoes before. You’re certainly not alone, and knowing this can be comforting.
Failure does not have to define you. Schedule a FREE Consultation Today to find out how I can help you overcome mistakes and chart a new path forward!
