Codependency in Families
Codependency can be easy to understand in romantic relationships. When only two people are involved, recognizing when someone is giving up their sense of self for another person is fairly straightforward. But, codependency can also be a problem in family units. Unfortunately, that’s not always as easy to see. As a result, it’s a problem that can linger for years—or generations.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to break the cycle. First, it’s essential to know what codependency in families looks like. Let’s dig a little deeper into some of the common signs of codependency, so you can determine the best course of action to break free from those patterns.
Claiming Victimhood
Codependent people often rely on others to get sympathy or boost their self-esteem. In families, that often comes from parents. It’s a parent’s job to give to their child, but codependent parents often do more to “take.” It can end up feeling like the roles are reversed, and the children end up taking care of their parents—at least from an emotional standpoint. Take note if someone in your family is constantly playing the victim role. What are they really going through, and how do you think it’s affecting them? You might be so used to giving in that you don’t often realize that their troubles aren’t that serious.
Fear of Rejection
Boundaries are important in families—and every healthy relationship. But, they often don’t exist in codependent family relationships. For example, codependent parents might have a hard time disciplining their children. They’re afraid of rejection or afraid that their child might not “like” them, even for a few minutes.
A lack of boundaries can lead to blatant disrespect in familial relationships. It can teach children that boundaries don’t have to exist and that they should expect to get what they want all of the time. As you might expect, that can lead to unhealthy dynamics in future relationships for those children—including romantic ones.
Self-Esteem Depends on Someone Else
Whether you’re a parent or child, your self-esteem and sense of worth should never be tied to another person. However, that’s a common issue in codependent family relationships. Codependent people typically have very low self-esteem. They base their happiness on whether another person is happy. If a parent is happy when their child is content and troubled when they’re unhappy, it’s a sign of something bigger going on.
Of course, there’s a fine line to consider there. It’s normal for parents to want what’s best for their children. It’s also normal for them to hate seeing their children in distress. But, when those feelings take over the parent’s sense of well-being and worth, it’s a sign of codependency.
What Can You Do?
Do any of these situations sound familiar? Even as an adult, the effects of a codependent family can impact your life and relationships. You can break the cycle by practicing self-care, setting healthy boundaries with your family, or even stepping away for a while. Once you realize how unhealthy these relationships are, the easier it can be to distance yourself. It doesn’t have to be forever, but spending some time apart can help to “free” you from the stress of a codependent relationship.
Finally, reach out and work with a therapist for self-esteem. Whether you’ve tied your self-esteem to another family member or you’ve always had to play the parental role, you don’t have to live with those ideas forever. If you’re concerned about codependency in your family, or you grew up in a codependent environment and now you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to schedule your free 30-minute consultation today!
