What are the Different Types of Codependency?
For a long time, people have struggled to pin down a definition of codependency. Most mental health professionals can offer a detailed understanding of what it is, but it’s not always easy to break that down into a singular definition. However, more recently, that’s changed.
In a codependent relationship, each partner plays a different role. One gives more time, attention, love, and care. The other expects that kind of care due to selfish habits. The person giving their all to the relationship isn’t necessarily happy. They might even be resentful. However, it’s unlikely they’ll end the relationship.
Now that we have a basic idea of codependency, let’s break it down even further. There are different subtypes of codependency that are essential to know. If you feel you’re in a codependent relationship or know someone who is, understanding these types can make a big difference in how you see things and how quickly you can make positive changes.
Passive Codependency
Passive codependency in a relationship refers to an individual who fears conflict. They will do whatever it takes to avoid confrontation and discord within the relationship. Passive codependents are more likely to have low self-esteem, so they’ll often stay in relationships where they are dealing with controlling individuals or a partner who openly manipulates them. They might even remain when dealing with physical or emotional abuse from their partner.
However, that doesn’t mean the passive codependent is always innocent in the relationship. They often try to influence their more narcissistic partner through secretive control strategies. While they might not seem as manipulative on the surface, using calculated and hidden strategies to influence their partner often makes them even more manipulative and controlling.
Active Codependency
Active codependents are often seen as the bigger narcissists in a codependent relationship (even if that isn’t always true). They’re viewed that way because their manipulation is usually bold and noticeable. They aren’t afraid of conflict and tend to initiate arguments rather than avoid them. They do their best to control their more emotionally manipulative partner, but it doesn’t work when that partner isn’t interested or even capable of meeting their needs.
The Problem With Codependency
While these two types of codependency seem different, there are a lot of similarities. More importantly, they both end with the same result. Both passive and active codependents have narcissistic behavior. They think the other person in the relationship will eventually change or conform to fit their needs, even if, deep down, they know it will never happen. It’s easy to assume that active codependents have a lot of confidence and self-esteem, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Both types of codependents are often extremely insecure; they just show it through different forms of manipulation.
What to Do If You’re In a Codependent Relationship
Do any of the signs above sound familiar? It’s not always easy to admit that you’re in a codependent relationship. However, if you want to get out of that toxicity, it’s important to recognize the signs and the type of codependent your partner might be.
No one deserves to feel emotionally abused or manipulated in their relationship. If you feel like your partner is trying to control, change, or even use you, it’s time to break free. Not every relationship with a codependent partner has to end. However, that person needs to recognize their issues and get help. If that doesn’t happen, the best thing you can do for your own well-being is to leave.
Counseling for Codependent Relationships
If you’d like more information on the types of codependency or how you can deal with a codependent relationship, please schedule a consultation today!
